A Seasons Greeting

What is Christmas to you?

To me it is preparing my Great Grandmothers recipes that my Mother taught me.

It is hot days, good company, prawns and chilled wine.

It is time for laughter, family and friends.

It is time for reflecting on the year that has been and for the new one to come.

It is time for remembering those that we have loved and lost.

Merry Christmas everyone may your new year be filled with love, light and laughter.

Mel

With me always

When I finally got to my five years it was the most scary but exhilarating day of my life.

I was glad there would be no more hospitals, X-Rays and blood test but also terrified about the fact nobody would be checking up on me every few months - I was on my own.

Now another year has passed and I am not so scared any more - I have made it through and look forward to the coming years cancer free and living a normal life without hospitals and Doctors.

But the truth is my cancer will never really go away - it will always be with me as it was an event in my life that while devastating at the time also gave me so many gifts and so much insight into the beautiful life I have and the blessing of my precious family and friends and for that I will always be grateful.

Lessons Learnt

If someone starting their cancer treatment asked me for advice this is what I would tell them.

•Be active in your care.

•Be kind to yourself.

•NEVER look up about your cancer on the Internet – I repeat NEVER.

•See a counsellor – I found the wonderful Belle through a cancer support centre - she was my rock and helped give me clarity through some very difficult times.

•Don’t feel like you have to speak to everyone on the phone – it can be exhausting and not too healthy to be having the same conversation with people about your treatment six times a day – send a group email outlining everything every few weeks and speak to people when you are up to it.

•Learn to say YES when people offer help – This was my biggest lesson learnt and the one for which I am most grateful. People’s kindness and generosity gives you so much strength and positivity as you are going through your treatment and can also be overwhelming - as Belle my amazing counsellor told me by being able to help you even in a small way it makes those around you feel like they have been able to do something worthwhile for you and not feel so helpless.

What would your advice be? It can relate to motherhood, loss, cancer or anything you like – let me know.

Finding the strength within

I used to get told how brave I was or I strong I was when I was ill.

I never used to feel very strong or brave just scared, alone and most days quite sad.

But looking back I think I was stronger than I ever probably thought I would be - I had this inner strength that I had never had to utilise before so until I had cancer never knew it was there.

I also think I shut a big part of myself down just to get through.

I think it is those around us that do our grieving and cry tears for us while those of us affected by some illness or tragedy keep our heads down and get through it the best way we can and hopefully make it out the other side not too badly bumped or bruised just slightly frayed around the edges ready to take on life again.

This photo was taken in the last few months of my treatment – I was tired, ill and probably at my lowest point of that year and not feeling very strong at all. (Image taken by Ali Shipard)

Who inspires you?

You may wonder why I have included some websites and blog links.

Well some are friends whose work I admire and love, others are just beautiful sites and blogs which I love and are totally indulgent.

Two are especially important and inspiring to me as they show the strength of human spirit and the courage we have to go forward in the most difficult of circumstances.

One is the Nie Nie dialogues by Stephanie Nielson who received burns to over 80% of her body in a horrific plane accident.

She is a mother to four young children and has another on the way.

Her story is especially relevant knowing some of the hurdles she has had to overcome as not only a mother but as a burns victim such as my son Jude.

You can see her story here: http://nieniedialogues.com/

The other is the beautiful and whimsical blog of photographer Sheye Rosemeyer.

Again her strength and courage and the inspiring things she has done after losing her daughter Ava in a terrible accident at home in 2007 has touched me in a profound way – this is her story and you can see her story and the
wonderful tribute to Ava that arisen from her family’s loss here: http://www.sheyerosemeyerphotography.com/blog/

I am inspired by people in my everyday life too, not only those close to me who have suffered immeasurable personal loss but those who live their lives with a full heart and open mind - I take encouragement and inspiration from them everyday x.

My Hero

Anyone know the Foofighters song ‘My Hero’?

Well that is my little boy Jude.

He is my ordinary but so extraordinary special little boy who gave me the strength to keep going.

He was my inspiration and for such a young man has been through so much in his short life already.

See without Jude I more than likely would not know I had a tumour until it was making a significant impact on my chest and all its internal workings.
He came out 10 weeks early just so I could begin treatment and then 14 months later suffered significant burns to his hands and stomach in a terrible household accident.

While these incidents in his life have made him an extremely sensitive little boy he also has the most amazing sense of humour and outlook on life.

He is most definitely the most individual of my children and we all love him dearly for it!

Jude at approx 2 weeks of age and just out of intensive care

Jude recovering from his burns at 14 months

Jude today(Photo by J Brown photography)

Saying the 'C' word

It took a good two weeks before they could tell me it was cancer - As time went on myself, husband Ken and all our family and friends new that the outcome was inevitably going to be the big 'C' or 'that' as many of my loved ones put it – conversations would go as follows:

"It couldn't be that could it Mel?"

"No it couldn't be you know what I mean not that could it?"

I got to the point of saying "What - you mean cancer? You need to say it, you need to say the word cancer."

I think at that point it was said more for myself than any-one else as a way of preparing for the final outcome.

And when our worst fears were finally realised nobody could still say the word - nobody could say cancer as at the time everyone was terrified of what that meant.

Images of hospital beds and tubes and looking ill all the time crossed my mind as at the time that was my only experience of cancer - the images I saw on television which always showed the worst case scenario.

But I know better now - I know that it dosen't always mean the worst and that while cancer has taken me on a very bumpy ride it has empowered me in more ways than I know. It has given me the gift of seeing what an amazing circle of family and friends I have surrounding me and for that I will always be grateful.

What about you?

What was your experience before your diagnosis or that of a family member?

Let me know your thoughts.